A fight last weekend at the beach prompted the gestapo city leaders to initiate a bill for a booze ban at the beach.

Bastards!!

I knew it was just a matter of time. I mean, why not? In El Cajon you’re not allowed to smoke. Not even in your back yard. There’s a city (I forget where and I’m too damn lazy to go research it) that is or will be banning people from wearing their pants down past their butt crack. (That one is pure bullshit because it’s taking away from MY entertainment!)

Anyway, I just wanted to take this opportunity to warn you that, while I’m not an alarmist, I have seen a lot of people’s freedoms taken away from them slowly over the last couple of decades, and it’s just a matter of time before it affects you and something you enjoy doing.

So be careful what you wish for. Trying to get something taken away from someone else will ultimately end up getting something taken away from you in return.

I can only hope the destruction of his career, and indeed his life, is as fruitful and successful as the sale of some 20 football cards sold recently on ebay of him that were chewed and slobbered on. How appropriate.

KANSAS CITY, Mo. — The eBay auction for 22 Michael Vick football cards, chewed up and slobbered on by two Missouri dogs, ended Wednesday as the winning bidder dished out $7,400 — with the money expected to be donated to the Humane Society.

I don’t like gang-bangers, and I don’t like idiots who torture (dogs). This guy is a disgrace. I hope he rots in hell, and I hope Bubba the Love Sponge has his way with him in jail. I’ll even pitch in a few bucks for Bubba to buy a 5 gallon bucket to put over Vick’s head so nobody has to hear the screaming while he’s taking it in the pooper.

Elvira Arellano, that illegal alien that hid in that Chicago Church, attended a protest and got arrested and deported.

Now the news is making her out to be the victim. She broke the law. She’s been breaking the law for 10 years (been deported already before this). Not only that, she fraudulently got a job at an airport using a stolen Social Security Number! That, fellow readers, is a F.E.L.O.N.Y.

I know the news is not about news; it’s about ratings, but that’s just ef’n ridiculous. Lets call a spade a spade.

You no doubt heard last week that Russia sent a sub to the north pole to place a symbolic flag claiming the arctic as their own. Obviously, it’s for the oil that is now becoming more accessible due to climate change. So Russia, well, lets just say Russia isn’t too shy. Yeah. That’s it.

But wait, now Canada has countered that with a proposed military base there. (Yeah, I know, The Moscow Times. But hey, they get a few things right there from time to time.)

I know we don’t usually hear much from Canada and military in the same story (excluding their limited involvement in the current Holy War), and many of us don’t even know what street Canada is on, but it’s interesting none the less that they are willing to go head to head with Russia, Denmark and Norway, (notice I didn’t say the US, because with all these liberals running around appeasing Radical Islamic Muslims who want to kill me and my family, fighting the US is now the in thing to do), over what could amount to control of 25% of the world’s undiscovered oil and gas.

For those that don’t know what’s going on here, let me get you caught up…

Last week I posted that I would call the police and have them come save me from an armed intruder in my home. I did this to prove that guns are no longer needed in today’s society when we’ve got trained professionals here to protect you and your family from killers.

So here’s what happened…

Cops came. Took them only 12 minutes, they were responding to a hit-n-run down the road a mile or two, (a driver that took out a mailbox and bailed). They dropped it when they got the call from me. They spent about 30 minutes at/near my house, then left.

Came back an hour later with one of my (noisy, beer-can throwing out of the truck, obnoxious, tweaker looking) neighbors in the back of the car. Said they found him down the road with drugs/guns/money on him.

I’m trying real hard to keep a straight face, really I am…. I tell them I really can’t confirm the guys face because it was dark and I was scared. I suggested that they point the intruder’s gun at my fore-head with a flashlight shining in my face, and yell at me like the intruder was doing. That way, I’d be able to tell if that’s the gun or not. They wouldn’t do it, so I didn’t finger the guy.

Right after I told them to stick the gun in my face I started to smirk (trying to hold back laughing), and I was able to fake like I was getting all choked up, kind of starting to cry when I remembered the incident and how terribly traumatic it was.

When they finally left, all my neighbors standing around couldn’t figure out why I was laughing so hard, and I didn’t have the heart to tell them.

Bottom line, in 12 minutes, with them literally 2 miles away, I would have been dead, my family, dead.

I hope this servers as a lesson to all you readers out there that think you need guns to protect your family. You don’t. The police will be there for you…

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_{Disclaimer: This episode is fiction. It never happened. :p}

Friday evening, I will prove guns are not needed in todays society. I will get good and drunk, then call the cops in the middle of the night to say there is an armed intruder in my house.

The second I dial 911 I will start a stopwatch. When the cops show up to save me and my family, I will tell them the bad guys ran out the back and jumped the fence. I’ll post up the time it takes them to respond and save me and my family.

Maybe then you will see that guns are not needed when there are pros around to keep us safe.

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Find out what happened that night.

Last Sunday was my wife’s big beach party for her work. (AT&T). She organized the entire thing, starting several months ago. After talking with the ranger station at Crown Point North in San Diego, we realized we would need to get there pretty early to secure a good spot to host 200+ people. The ranger suggested 4:00am, when the gates opened if we wanted to get the best one. And we did.

We decided to take the trailer (toy hauler type), and got it all packed the night before. We left shortly before 4:00am and got our pick of spots, showing up at 4:30ish.

As luck would have it, I stacked one of the 4 coolers on top of another cooler for the trip. Of course, it fell and spilled the jello-shooters and kamakazi shooters (in test tubes with lids, so much fun) all over the floor.

Nothing broke, but seeing all that alcohol sitting on the floor, and the thought of the day’s work ahead, I quickly grabbed a shooter. Then another. And now a kamakazi. Yes, it’s about 4:30 in the morning, and I just woke up over an hour ago and was well on my way. (No, I wasn’t the only one there eating shooters that early, but I really don’t mind drinking alone from time to time.)

Anyway, as it turned out, it was good I had a slight buzz going when the first of two Pacific Beach freaks came jogging by in his underwear. (Yes, they were butt huggers. Tighty Whities. Chonies.) Then, about 5 minutes later, the town drunk (no, not me) came walking staggering by in HIS underwear. Only this guy was making some weird breathing noise, and still had his bottle in-hand.

I really don’t miss that kind of action. I used to see it all the time when I partied more, but kids and age will mellow you. Somewhat.

This is the first of a weekly feature I’m going to try. I often have different things on my mind besides off roading. So on Wednesdays, I’m going to go off topic.

I’m going to kick off my Wander off Wednesday with this tidbit of a guy up to his elbows in bullshit err, bullhorns.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but I’ll add one more to the fray…

PWNT!