I got myself involved in a big to-do over at an Alaskan Blog while writing a post for Under My Helmet, about the use of a very small percentage of area for ATV use.

Check out ol’ Bob. He just keeps picking up on one or two keywords and going off on tangents.

It’s probably not helping that I’m being a smart-ass, but it’s not like it’s un-provoked. It’s not really getting anyone anywhere, but it’s funny tossing little points out to them and watching them freak out.

For those that don’t know what’s going on here, let me get you caught up…

Last week I posted that I would call the police and have them come save me from an armed intruder in my home. I did this to prove that guns are no longer needed in today’s society when we’ve got trained professionals here to protect you and your family from killers.

So here’s what happened…

Cops came. Took them only 12 minutes, they were responding to a hit-n-run down the road a mile or two, (a driver that took out a mailbox and bailed). They dropped it when they got the call from me. They spent about 30 minutes at/near my house, then left.

Came back an hour later with one of my (noisy, beer-can throwing out of the truck, obnoxious, tweaker looking) neighbors in the back of the car. Said they found him down the road with drugs/guns/money on him.

I’m trying real hard to keep a straight face, really I am…. I tell them I really can’t confirm the guys face because it was dark and I was scared. I suggested that they point the intruder’s gun at my fore-head with a flashlight shining in my face, and yell at me like the intruder was doing. That way, I’d be able to tell if that’s the gun or not. They wouldn’t do it, so I didn’t finger the guy.

Right after I told them to stick the gun in my face I started to smirk (trying to hold back laughing), and I was able to fake like I was getting all choked up, kind of starting to cry when I remembered the incident and how terribly traumatic it was.

When they finally left, all my neighbors standing around couldn’t figure out why I was laughing so hard, and I didn’t have the heart to tell them.

Bottom line, in 12 minutes, with them literally 2 miles away, I would have been dead, my family, dead.

I hope this servers as a lesson to all you readers out there that think you need guns to protect your family. You don’t. The police will be there for you…

.

.

.

_{Disclaimer: This episode is fiction. It never happened. :p}

I reported a couple days ago over at Under My Helmet about a Moose (mascot) driving an ATV that ran over a Baseball player in Seattle. (I found a video of it today).

Hilarity ensues for 2 reasons, one, that a moose driving an ATV hit a baseball player, but more funny than that, IMNSHO, is that the baseball player’s name was Coco Crisp.

I just can’t keep a straight face…

Friday evening, I will prove guns are not needed in todays society. I will get good and drunk, then call the cops in the middle of the night to say there is an armed intruder in my house.

The second I dial 911 I will start a stopwatch. When the cops show up to save me and my family, I will tell them the bad guys ran out the back and jumped the fence. I’ll post up the time it takes them to respond and save me and my family.

Maybe then you will see that guns are not needed when there are pros around to keep us safe.

.

.

.

Find out what happened that night.

This is the first of a weekly feature I’m going to try. I often have different things on my mind besides off roading. So on Wednesdays, I’m going to go off topic.

I’m going to kick off my Wander off Wednesday with this tidbit of a guy up to his elbows in bullshit err, bullhorns.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but I’ll add one more to the fray…

PWNT!

Lets forget about the debate of whether or not global warming is happening. Unless you want to debate why there are ice packs forming in the souther hemisphere, which begs the question, where’d they come up with the GLOBAL part of global warming.

Anyway, I support global warming, such as it is. I’ll give you a quick run-down of the pros and cons as I see them. (This is not a complete list)

Pros:
• More food production.
• Lower heating costs.
• Better standard of living.
• Lower deaths due to freezing.

Cons:
• A select group of eco-wackos think:
• The Earth has already reached optimum temperature.
• Humans are to blame.
• All human growth and advancement needs to stop now.
• We need to stop or reverse the naturally-occurring weather cycles of the planet
• The sun has no effect on global temperatures.
• The earth is warming AND cooling due to mankind.
• My Jeep has such bad emissions, it’s screwing up the climate on Mars and melting the polar ice there, too.

Anything that will simultaneously inflate man’s self-importance and expose the hypocrisy of wealthy liberals not only entertains me, but makes popcorn cook on it’s own while I watch.

Fellow blogger Gunnar Heinrich, over at http://4driversonly.com posted this video on April 26, 2007 of a Hummer getting un-stuck by a Toyota FJ somewhere in the dunes of the near east.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love seeing people get humbled every now and again, especially when they’re humbled by seeming underdogs. Heck, I get humbled all the time. But if you look closely at the video, you’ll probably notice 2 things… 1) the angle at which the TJ is facing vs the H2, and 2) the violence required to free the H2.

Item 1) shows that that TJ didn’t want to be in the same boat as the H2, because it would likely get stuck too. Chalk one up for driver awareness. Not so much for vehicle’s capability.

Item 2) shows the running start needed to dislodge the deeply buried H2. Given the fact that a process like that is almost always a last resort, especially at that angle, and could have been done by just about any 4×4 with a sturdy hitch point. Chalk up one for strong frames. Not so much for vehicle capability.

It sure is funny to look at, though isn’t it? Especially if you’ve seen the movie Cars, where they show a group of 4×4’s learning to 4×4, and the Hummer gets scared and complains that it’s never been off road. Funny as it was in the movie, it’s even funnier in the desert. They just don’t take them off road. I’ve seen only a few Hummers off road, but they were all very capable when I did see them.

I guess they’re just too damn expensive to take the chance on breaking it.

Cars, hummer, h2, stuck, jeep, fj, free